You can never find yourself .?
"The starting point is a highly acclaimed interview with Woody Allen from 2014 that firmly explains that life is once and for all meaningless. People are born and die, born and die in a steady stream, with no particular purpose, and the universe itself is doomed. […] Brinkmann believes that it is the very perspective that is wrong here: it is the distanced outside perspective Allen constructs that makes life seem meaningless. If you choose to see it from the inside, it looks different, this is where it is meant to be found."
https://www.svd.se/darfor-kan-du-aldrig-finna-dig-sjalv/av/merete-mazzarella